Sunday, October 29, 2006

Party Fouls

Called on me this weekend:

- Gamecube controller slipping out of my hands while passing it, in effect directly throwing it at someone's clavicle

- Spilling my can of Code Red (*Partial foul because it wasn't completely full, and it was in my room)

- Missing the trashcan, and having a snot rag go in my roomie's closet

- Clubbing the back of my opponent in a hallway wrestling match (*I tried to appeal this, since I was led to believe that clubbing is legal in formal wrestling after watching a MTV Made)

Monday, October 23, 2006

Netflix Is Bringing Sexy Back

I am very giddy.

No more rapidshare hour long wait for six part files.

No more daily searches at Blockbuster for Kubrick's Lolita.

No more random Samuel L Jackson movies that will be left unseen.

No more empty wall space where a mounted box, that says NETFLIX BEE-ITCH!!!!, now sits.

Friday, October 20, 2006


Representing the first floor of Riker Hall, our team name is "The Why Does Our Hall Smell Like a Fish Market." I have been unable to smell for the past two weeks due to early stages of bird flu, which I most likely caught from the dorm resident known as "Snotty." So the name makes little sense to me, but I take their word for it.

I pointed out to a teammate how the "Hall" and "Mar-" kind of rhyme. He said they rhyme about as much as "Why" and "Fish."

Antichrist blows by a defender

Stringent defense

Antichrist with the huge fake out

Nicdiculous goes down, Justin looks Asian

Basking in victory

Mud polo winners

Post-game posing

Friday, October 13, 2006

Units In The Ocean

This idea came to me after 72 hours of not sleeping, I think I've developed a bit of insomnia. Anyway the story is, Craig and Remus' ship has sunk and they are the only survivors, now they are in the middle of the ocean on a lifeboat waiting to be rescued.

Craig: What the fuck that was nothing like Life of Pi

Remus: What?!

Craig: I mean our ship sank right, but where’s the fucking Bengal tiger?

Remus: This is not the time for jokes

Craig: No I just figured all those animals on our ship would have jumped on the lifeboat with us

Remus: Animals, what are you talking about, there were no animals on board

Craig: Yes there was, didn’t you see that hairy ass ape

Remus: That was Robin Williams

Craig: He was excellent in good will hunting

Remus: I wish we had a way to contact the coast guard

Craig: hold on I gotta take this call, hi mom, nah it’s kind of a bad time, no I promise I’ll call you later, no mom I didn’t leave the stove on, no not the coffee pot either, ok, bye mom .

Remus:…(Stares with mouth agape)

Craig: What?

Remus: You had a phone this whole time

Craig: Yeah but it’s prepaid, and I’m almost out of units

Remus: Give me that fucking phone

Craig: (On phone) yes I would like to place an order for delivery, yes I’ll hold

Remus: Are you ordering food

Craig: Yeah I’m on hold, you want something, I don’t have enough money for the both of us, but if you’re willing to cover tip I’m sure I could share some fries with you.

Remus: Please tell me you’re joking

Craig: Yes I would like a cheese steak, oh and a side of fries (Give a thumbs up to Remus) my address uh, where are we again

Remus: Were in the middle of the fucking ocean!

Craig: Jeeze, yeah did you hear that, ok how long 8-10 years ok thank you, how much, ok thank you

Remus: You idiot call for help, give me that damn phone

Craig: Nah I’m almost out of units

Remus: (Attacks Craig, both struggle for control of the phone, suddenly there is a large crash at the bottom of the life boat)

Craig: Oh no I think that was a shark

Remus: Great, why don’t you call dominos for them?

Craig: Die you devilish creature of the sea (Throws phone at the shark, the phone sinks in the water)

Remus: (Dives in after it)

(At this moment a helicopter flies in)

Helicopter Pilot: Is this the middle of the fucking ocean

Craig: Yes

Helicopter Pilot: Your total comes to 9.50

Craig: (Throws money at helicopter) Oh and could you perhaps give me a ride back to my house, I think I left a fire going in the fireplace

Helicopter Pilot: Well I’m really not supposed to, this is a company vehicle, you understand

Craig: (Throws the pilot his tip)

Helicopter Pilot: Ok hop on (Craig climbs on, the helicopter flies off)

Remus: (Resurfaces with large gaping wounds and cuts) Got it (looks around) damn it, well at least I have these fries, what no ketchup, no ketchup, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Jumps back into the water)

-Minotaur Man

Monday, October 09, 2006

After Jim Gaffigan Made Me LaughAgain

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Ravioli Reschly Goes Down For The Count (Special Video Post)

At the hands of your beloved Antichrist (Carl).

I could watch this all day.

Major props to Jess for recording and upoading this.

Friday, October 06, 2006


Damn a day in the life, what a fuckin crazy song, especially on acid man. Seriously, have you ever heard it, if not then please listen, and make sure you take acid man beforehand as it will emphasize the subtle changes in style, or not so subtle. What the fuck is that instrument after the second verse, is it a keyboard or a keyboard on acid man. The beginning strumming is dope, but in the first verse what the fuck he’s singing about a man who blew his mind out in a car, after hearing this the first time I thought he was referring to blowing his nose, cus that’s what I call blowing your nose, I call it blowing your mind out. What’s the deal with mucus anyway, where does it come from and how come it never ends when you have a cold, you could just keep blowing your nose for 23,465 hours and still not remove it all. Back to that song, after it ends what the fuck… there’s just some crazy noises sounds like talking but I’m sure it’s just the Beatles saying random phrases or possibly Paul is dead. Anyway that song is good so listen to it or you won’t know what I’m talking about; it is good though especially on acid man.

some pics:

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Carl's review of The Descent

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Dick Cheney, at an evil board meeting no doubt

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The highly coveted dick shot, thanks go out to Stanley Kubrick

-Minotaur Man

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

stenography by raconteur chemist

what up future?
my internet is still runnin strong in this shit!
you at a party?
can you put pictures from your phone on your computer?
i'm craving that shirtless band helmet picture for my facebook.
and the comments will roll right in, comments applenty.
we gots to make some pregaming plan for friday.
jim gaffigan will be much funnier,
i would really like it if you would be featured on the antichrist and minotaur man,
aiight bro, peace

he's my snigga.

you're a very good stenographer

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

PCP, Elves, and Smoke Rings

Sam: Watch this shit (takes drag from cigar)

Irish: What are you doing?

Sam: (holds out index finger as to say un momento por favor)

Irish: Oh smoke rings

Sam: (cups lips to accentuate the ring process)

Irish: You look like an old lady trying to suck some balls

Sam: Ohhhhh! I got one did ya see it did ya see it

(suddenly someone walks into the outside foyer)

Mysterious Man: …Smoke….Smoke….Smoke…are ya smoking yet

Sam: Damn subliminal advertising, it’s invaded our fucking lives man

Timmy the Magic Elf: And remember kids if you’re going to spend 7 dollars on cigarettes might as well spend the extra 3 dollars and upgrade to crack

Irish: What the fuck you talking bout

Sam: Holy shit I’m all itchy man what the fuck is this shit

Irish: Let me see that thing (grabs cigar) yeah tastes like pcp to me

Sam: Whoah

Irish: I’m itchy

Timmy the Magic Elf: Run the shoes and the wallet bitch, I got kids to feed

Sam: I didn’t think elves could fuck

Timmy the Magic Elf: Well they can, ever seen the smurfs man

Sam: Are you saying that’s what happens when elves fuck

Timmy the Magic Elf: Nah I just think it’s a good show I can really identify with OG Smurf

Sam: I’m pretty sure that wasn’t a smurf

Irish: I’m freaking out man

Timmy the Magic Elf: Run the shoes bitch

(Sam and Irish give the elf their shoes and wallets)

Irish: Last time I ever trust one of those filthy bean eating border jumping…Elves, damn elves always breathing in the white mans air with their big….(cut off by Sam)

Sam: I think you went far enough, now pass that shit or get out of the cipher

Irish: I’m pretty sure we imagined that whole thing

Sam: If we did then where the fuck are my shoes

-Minotaur Man

Monday, October 02, 2006

A Little Something from Someone New

by the Raconteur Chemist

Do you ever get really muthafuckan pissed off right when you wake up?

If so, and it is clearly so, I have a suggestion:
Use your favorite p2p server, or iTunes, or streaming media site to download this song...
"Waiting for the World to Change"- John Mayer
You may be thinking, fuck that muthafuckan John Mayer, he is a muthafuckan wuss,

Get over yourself, respect music, it's expression. If you don't like the freedom of expression, then move to China or some shit.

Anyway, back to the point.
Ideally, you could have said song play as your alarm, but you may not have the means. If so, just get up out of bed and play it on your computer, or stereo.

Guaranteed, this will make your day bearable, it is scientifically proven to make you smile.
Unless, of course, you have bad karma.

Long Live Antichrist.