Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Mascot Wagers

If we don't win next game...

I'll denounce my Blood affiliation

I'll admit I was blatanly ripped off of the Hamburgler

I'll be replaced by a smaller, quicker Japanese model

I'll stop going commando

I'll hand the suit over to three midgets

I'll stop refereeing Gators football games

Friday, November 24, 2006

Top Ten Reasons Why Prisoners Want The Web

Inmates go to court to seek right to use the Internet

by Antichrist

10) To join the Myspace group "Fuck the BCS Poll"

9) To start a bidding war on eBay for a shiv

8) Going on imdb.com to be able to quote Morgan Freeman from Shawshank Redemption

7) To read the Antichrist and Minotaur Man blog

6) To post their hilarious video "Doin in the snitch" on youtube

5) Ask.com: How to start a jailbreak

4) Looking for the lyrics to Hilary Duff - Come Clean

3) Pwning newbs in an online debate about the death penalty

2) Ordering shirts that say "Free Your Name Here"

1) IM'ing is so much more fasionable than yelling from cell to cell

Sleepin Undah Uh Bridge at Wikipedia University

So I've been thinking allot lately about what to post and my mind keeps on running blank. Then someone says " Hey Sam, you should put that sleeping under a bridge story in yo blog." I then proceeded to stab that man in the face and steal his idea. One fateful weekend I was offered the opportunity to go to Connecticut, sorry to say this Connecticut people, you suck. Any way this was my second drunken experience in Connecticut and it was spent at Quinnipiac University, I think that's how you spell it, we just called it Wikipedia University. The day starts off simple enough we arrive at the college, take our bags to our small apartment room that we are spending the night in. We meet up with the girls, my friend's friends, and kind of shoot the shit, I didn't really pay attention, because of my shovanist ways, and then we took a group shit in the spacious Wikipedia University bathroom. This all goes down without a hitch, then at 5 o' clock we are deserted by our female companions and left in the room alone with my favorite Russian comrade, or czar, or suhzar, or whatever, his name is Vlad. If you don't know what I mean by Vlad then let me be a bit more specific, it's fucking vodka, cheap vodka, and we had a gallon. So logically, and I figured this equation out afterwards of course.

4 Guys+ Complete boredom+ Freddy vs. Jason+ Comrade Vlad+ Some orange drink shit= Drinking and drunkenness????!!??

So somewhere around 7 o' clock the females return, by this time I'm raging drunk. I start tampering with this Wal-Mart Halloween toy, pressing the small button below the skeleton in a suit to hear him say "I'm the cat's pajamas" weird shit, but funny, me and my buddy got a kick outta that thing, meaning we kicked it later on in the night. Anyways, I'm raging drunk and I go with my horny friend to talk to ladies on the same floor as us, I'm just along for the ride, because I'm so drunk and have no inhibitions. So the conversations kind of went like this to the best of my memory.

Door number 1
Horny :( Knocks on door)
Drunkey: Hello!!!!
Girl1: Hey!
Drunkey:( stares at woman from head to toe as if she were a piece of meat)
Horny: What's up, we're just going around knocking on peoples doors and introducing ourselves
Drunkey: Yeah!
(Awkward silence, my extremely loud Yeah! still hangs in the air, introductions were made, but I simply forgot the girls name, I think I was giving a fake one)
Horny: So what are you doing later tonight
Girl1: Well it's my birthday and I'm having a party
Drunkey: Ya know they served tomato soup at my last birthday party
(Awkward silence)
Horny: Yeah well, maybe I can give you my number and we can meet up later
(I blurt out)
Drunkey: For the party, yes the party of course.
(Horny gets the girl's number and we move to the next door)

Door Number 2
Drunkey: (Knocks on door) Hey, hey open this sheeeeet
Girl2: Hey, come in it's open
(We enter the room, the girl is preparing for something)
Horny: Where are your roommates
Drunkey: Hey where are your roommates pal (Jabbing index finger into Horney’s chest- that sounded a bit erotic)
Girl2: Oh they left for the weekend
Drunkey: Cute, I'm outta here I need another drink

So much for an attention span, I left the girl's room and preceded to drink more, now I am plastered beyond belief. I feel sick so I head to the spacious bathrooms again. I see many people in the hallways all drunk, but not as drunk as me, I was holding onto the wall so I wouldn't fly away. It's as if a large alcohol bomb has went off in this campus, suddenly the place erupts in a frenzy of beer pong, and drunken beeetches. I find my destination and take a seat on the toilet, and what do you know some other people are taking a group shit. I started to make loud fart noises, and they didn't know who it was from. I walk out of the bathroom and then outside. I see a staircase leading to the abyss. I go down it, I see trees passing me by, then I turn around to see the steps I had previously walked down are now a mile behind me, or at least it looked that way, there was also two sets of steps. So I feel sick again, and I desperately need a place to lie down, I wander around for a bit and see a footbridge, after stepping in the creek I collapse under this footbridge. I pass out with my headphones in my ear playing Hotel California, I feel like a true junkie. One hour later I get a call from my one friend who was fucking around with the cat's pajamas toy with me. He asks, where did you go, I pick my head up look around and say, "I think I'm under a bridge." Of course this answer dumb founds him. I finally get out of the ravine and walk across the bridge I had just slept under. I don't really remember much else, my friend said someone pulled a fire alarm that night and I remember eating pizza, but that's it.

-Minotaur Man

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Snowboard Kids and Favorite Phrases

Nicdiculous - "I don't feel like finishing."

Antichrist - "That's what Thomas Edison said. And you know what happened to him..."

Nate - "He died a slow and painful death."

Favorite phrases of the moment
1) Coolio, the cat
2) Take it!
3) Mr. Bu-fu
4) Grody

Friday, November 10, 2006

Pic Post

Sign outside of the Super China Buffet


Ghetto ass, ejaculating air conditioner

Wearing my roommate's jacket


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Candy Girl

...you are my world. Look so sweet. You're...a tasty treat? I think those are the words.

Candy girl is a very tasty treat for Bobby Brown.

Is he talking about cocaine?

He may have been a little young, but I don't doubt it.

He could be talking about Whitney Houston. I would think her skin tastes like cocaine.