Friday, April 30, 2010

The Adventures of Brunaya episode 101: Pilot

From the farthest reaches of the universe..... okay maybe not the universe. From the farthest reaches of eastern pennsylvania the two surviving membersof Brunaya are reunited. Comical situations ensue

(We enter a grimey apartment the duo sits on big green couch full of dirty clothing pondering the infinite posibilities of our universe)

Sam: Man I've had the itchiest nutsack today
John: Me too dude, oh by the way I used your clippers to shave my naughty areas
Sam: Damn it John I use those clippers to shave my tounge hairs
John: You have tounge hairs
Sam: Thats right me amigo doesn't everyone
John: No just you
(Sam sticks out his tounge to show john)
John: Wow dude that's amazing, wait a minute (John plucks a particularly long hair from sam's tounge) who's is this
Sam: Ahh Jenavive I knew her well
John: That's disgusting
Sam: Yes it is and that's a long hair too, I think it might be a record
John: Yeah dude lets call Guiness
Sam: Do it
John: (Pulls out his phone) I got him on speed dial cus were always breaking records an shit
Sam: Yep (Walks over to the record player on the end table takes the record off and shatters it against the wall)
John: Crosby Stills and Nash another one down. Hold on I got guinness on the line
Guiness: Hello
John: Oh what's up man we just broke two records, one for the longest recorded length of a human hair
Sam: Who said anything about humans
John: Sorry sir the longest recorded length of a (Looks at Sam)
Sam: Platypus
John: Right platypus hair
Guiness: Oh jesus it's these guys again, look we don't keep track of strange things like that, do platypuses even have hair (Hangs up)
John: That bitch Guinness hung up on me
Sam: That's the third time this week ah fuck em
John: so wait what's a platypus hair doing halfway down your throat
Sam: You gotta keep em clean somehow
John: I see and why the name Jenavive
Sam: What's wrong with Jenavive would you rather have named her Pedromergonzalesmorraledeoxyribonucleic......acid you god damned mexican
John: yes actually, well now that that's over what do you want to do
Sam: Dunno put on some music my laptop is right there
John: ( Picks up sam's laptop from the floor, then opens it up to reveal sam's backround Ashley Judd posing scantally for the camera) I think your obsession with Asley Judd has quickly escalated from pubescent jack off material to an unhealth addiction.
Sam: Masturbation is healthy
John: 10 times a day!
Sam: So Im 10 times healthier than normal people
John: Come on dude this apartment is getting to me let's go play some tennis

(On the tennis court, sam and john are both pouring sweat. John serves the ball ferociously sending it careening elegantly into the net)

Sam: Ha Ha, obstruction!
John: Obstuction you made that shit up. So what's the score nothing nothing still
Sam: Yep we've only been playing for (Looks down at his wrist witch is devoid of a watch) 13 hours
John: Dude 13 hours I just missed 7 midterms a chemistry exam and lunch with my parents
Sam: Okay one more serve next point wins
John: (Serves another blistering serve that's lands in bounds and bounces past Sam efortlesssly) Ha
Sam: Obstruction
John: Obstuction, but Im mexican, Im a good constuction worker
Sam: Whatever somebody's a sore looser, come on man lets go home
John: Okay

(Some time later sam is sitting on the couch again and John has been in the batroom for a good 10 minutes)

Sam: Hey check this out the county fair is coming to town, and look they've got the worlds largest and most racist cheese slug
John: (calling from the batroom) thats a mighty fine cheese slug
Sam: Yes it is man yes it is, and here's a quote from him (the quote reads), why don't black people need reflectors on their bikes, because all they have to do is smile.( Sam says to himself) Man that's one mighty fine racist ass cheese slug. Hey John what are you doing in there! John

(Sam stands up and walks to the bathroom kicks open the door only to find John ferociously mastubating to Ashley Judd)

Sam: Hands off my woman
John: Let me finish let me finish!

(Sam and John fight over the laptop for a decent amount of time finally sam lets go)

Sam: told you she was sexy
John: Oh she is
Sam: So we going to see this cheese slug
John: Oh I got plans for that cheese slug man, big plans (Laugh maniacaly) Oh and Fuck Guinness!

By: Minotaur Man