Units In The Ocean

This idea came to me after 72 hours of not sleeping, I think I've developed a bit of insomnia. Anyway the story is, Craig and Remus' ship has sunk and they are the only survivors, now they are in the middle of the ocean on a lifeboat waiting to be rescued.

Craig: What the fuck that was nothing like Life of Pi

Remus: What?!

Craig: I mean our ship sank right, but where’s the fucking Bengal tiger?

Remus: This is not the time for jokes

Craig: No I just figured all those animals on our ship would have jumped on the lifeboat with us

Remus: Animals, what are you talking about, there were no animals on board

Craig: Yes there was, didn’t you see that hairy ass ape

Remus: That was Robin Williams

Craig: He was excellent in good will hunting

Remus: I wish we had a way to contact the coast guard

Craig: hold on I gotta take this call, hi mom, nah it’s kind of a bad time, no I promise I’ll call you later, no mom I didn’t leave the stove on, no not the coffee pot either, ok, bye mom .

Remus:…(Stares with mouth agape)

Craig: What?

Remus: You had a phone this whole time

Craig: Yeah but it’s prepaid, and I’m almost out of units

Remus: Give me that fucking phone

Craig: (On phone) yes I would like to place an order for delivery, yes I’ll hold

Remus: Are you ordering food

Craig: Yeah I’m on hold, you want something, I don’t have enough money for the both of us, but if you’re willing to cover tip I’m sure I could share some fries with you.

Remus: Please tell me you’re joking

Craig: Yes I would like a cheese steak, oh and a side of fries (Give a thumbs up to Remus) my address uh, where are we again

Remus: Were in the middle of the fucking ocean!

Craig: Jeeze, yeah did you hear that, ok how long 8-10 years ok thank you, how much, ok thank you

Remus: You idiot call for help, give me that damn phone

Craig: Nah I’m almost out of units

Remus: (Attacks Craig, both struggle for control of the phone, suddenly there is a large crash at the bottom of the life boat)

Craig: Oh no I think that was a shark

Remus: Great, why don’t you call dominos for them?

Craig: Die you devilish creature of the sea (Throws phone at the shark, the phone sinks in the water)

Remus: (Dives in after it)

(At this moment a helicopter flies in)

Helicopter Pilot: Is this the middle of the fucking ocean

Craig: Yes

Helicopter Pilot: Your total comes to 9.50

Craig: (Throws money at helicopter) Oh and could you perhaps give me a ride back to my house, I think I left a fire going in the fireplace

Helicopter Pilot: Well I’m really not supposed to, this is a company vehicle, you understand

Craig: (Throws the pilot his tip)

Helicopter Pilot: Ok hop on (Craig climbs on, the helicopter flies off)

Remus: (Resurfaces with large gaping wounds and cuts) Got it (looks around) damn it, well at least I have these fries, what no ketchup, no ketchup, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Jumps back into the water)

-Minotaur Man