John Mellencamp Aims For More Commercial Spots

by Antichrist

John Mellencamp's new album Car Songs can be found wherever music is sold, but he doesn't expect you to buy it yet.

Each song on the album runs at 15 seconds, containing two repeated lines about a car brand. Mellencamp has shipped the album to the various companies in a desperate ploy to get them to add it to their commercials.

"I'm a whore," said the 55-year-old rocker.

While the first three tracks seem to vary in sound, and are truly inspired, the remaining 57 are noticeably very similar. Take the twelfth song for example: Ford Taurus. "Burning rubber, wind in my hair. I love my Ford / Way better than that piece of shit Honda Accord!"

Later in the album he was draws on the same themes, most glaringly in his song Honda Accord. "Burning rubber, wind in my hair. Got the new Honda Accord / Fuck Ford!"

The most refreshing song is the genre hopping endeavor featuring Gym Class Heroes. Even though their styles separate the groups, they are cohesive in their drive to take an axe to ya', if you don't love your Nissan Maxima.

When asked about the expected response from his fans Mellencamp said, "They might not know they want the album now, but once they hear those songs one hundred times a week, they'll run to the store and pick up a copy. I'm a whore."

Author's Note: If you squint at the picture it looks like Cougar's arm has been hacked off.