Sunday, May 06, 2007

Church Signs

Deacon John: You wanted to see me Father Downing?

Father Downing: Yes, it's about what you've been putting on the sign outside.

Deacon: I know, I've hit a dry spell. I haven't had anything witty since YOU, JESUS, & SATAN. THREE'S A CROWD!

Father: That was a good one, but I'm more concerned about the current sign. I don't seem to get it.

Deacon: Well, I wanted to say God is a good listener, but I could only find one "D" in the box. Sales are up on the Goo Goo Dolls latest album though. I feel guilty about it, it just seems wrong, and not even on a religious level. Anyways, I've prepared a sermon based on the song "Slide" for you.

Father: Burn it for me. The sign can stay as long as it doesn't bring down attendance.

Deacon: It usually helps when I do a sports motif. Like "Go..." whatever local team is winning at the time. It just can't be the Dodgers, caus you know, the "D" thing. The downside is that making the sign sports based, tends to bring in the drunks. Or it could be that one episode of The Simpsons where Homer throws a party at the church.

Father: I'm pretty sure that's not the reason, although I'm aware of the episode.

Deacon: How they seem to stay so fresh is beyond me. I'm running out of sign ideas already. Maybe I should get someone to help me think of some.

Father: Like who?

Deacon: I don't know. Jerry Seinfeld would have something funny to say about Jesus.

Father: He might not be very interested in helping the Catholic church, he is Jewish.

Deacon: I thought just his character was Jewish. However that gives me the idea to borrow things from the media. Like once during a movie, I think it was Mr. 3000, or was it a soccer game? Anyway they had a message for the audience that read "Anger is only one letter away from danger." I could probably reuse that.

Father: Or you could find some on the internet.

Deacon: I looked, but the only funny ones were about anal sex with Satan.


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