Guide To Apologizing For Racial Comments

by Antichrist

1) Say how you have black friends.

2) Apologize to Al Sharpton.

3) Don't try to explain what you meant when you said Barack Obama was the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy, or that the Rutgers women's basketball team are nappy-headed hos. This will only get you into more trouble.

4) Do not make an appearance at Jesse Jackson's protest of you.

5) Apologize until you fade into obscurity.

6) Don't appear drunk in public, or go on stage the Laugh Factory and make the same mistakes.

7) Revive your career only after Dennis Miller has deemed you completely obscure by referencing you in his stand-up.