Airplane Monologue

Of the passenger sitting next to you, who went to the new airport gym before boarding the plane

by Antichrist

Wow I am sore. Gotta stretch a bit. Yeaah. Sorry about my leg brushing up against you. I just went to that airport gym, and my lats are killing Bre.

Oh, me and my friends substitute "Bre" for "me," because I have a friend named Bre. Funny huh. You seem like a nice guy. Whew, it's hot in here. Do you mind if I turn on the little blowing thing?

Ever see Akeelah and the Bee?

I went to this retreat back in high school, but I kind of still keep the message with me you know? It was about how any two people can be friends. I'd like to think it's possible for us two. Good thing this is a long, packed flight.

Think about it, there must be higher love. Do you see?

I am sweaty. It's just that right before boarding is the only time that I can exercise. Before they put in a gym, I would do crunches in the waiting area. I seem to be sweating more than usual.

I actually put on three deodorants. I find the combination to keep me the driest. I've spent about a couple hundred bucks on experimenting with different varieties. The smells don't mix the best together, but it works.

You want to see something gross? Check out this boil on my back.