Female Cougar, You Don't Have To Put On The Red Light

Auto body shop owner Bud Hollensworth was called upon to remove a dead, 5-foot-long python from the dashboard of a car.
Sam Jackson has signed on to play Mr. Hollensworth in the movie adaptation.

Chicago oldest registered voter, Amazon Brooks died this week at age 109. What came as little surprise, Barack Obama lost 100% of his support in the 107+ demographic.

In Alhambra, California, artists featured in a Chinese New Year exhibit at City Hall removed their works after the city banished a piece depicting Mao Zedong next to George Washington. The city said it was pulled because some observers found it offensive.
John Ashcroft however, only wanted to cover up the zedong.

Police are warning of a 200-pound plus woman who heartily embraces men coming out of downtown Buffalo bars and steals their wallets. Dozens of men say they've been victims of the "Hugging Bandit."
No sketch has been drawn up, as all the victims were looking away with their eyes closed.

Newborns exposed to low levels of a chemical used to produce Teflon weigh slightly less and have smaller heads than other babies.
They also grow up to become rappers.

A man faced misdemeanor charges after police found a monkey, an alligator, a tarantula and six piranhas in his home.
He argued that he was trying to find the answer to the age old question: What do you get when you put a monkey, an alligator, a tarantula and six piranhas in a room? You get a misdemeanor.

Biologist determined that a female cougar that was caught in a bobcat trap, was singlehandedly responsible for the increase in the species over the past few years.
The cougar lived in northwestern North Dakota, was 10 years old, and was a whore.
-AC