Minotaur Man's Life Lessons #'s 1 and 2

Few people have had such an experience of being knocked unconscious. I have a pretty unique experience when it comes to this topic. One day I found myself in a fit of hunger at 3 in the morning, so I work my way down the steps, across the squeaky floor, across another squeaky floor, and finally across a squeaky kitchen floor. I reach my destination, the fridge, I search the fridge for anything that will provide minor nourishment, and all I see is fucking ketchup and fucking applesauce. I take the apple sauce with a grain of salt, because naturally I like all my food with exactly one grain of salt in it, then open the fridge. Much to my dismay the applesauce ends its short, saucy, little life all over my kitchen floor. I bend down to pick up the desecrated applesauce from my tiled floor, then for some strange reason I get the superhuman ability to stand up 4x faster than the speed of sound. There are two problems with this newfound ability, one the freezer door is still open, and two once you are knocked unconscious this ability mysteriously disappears. So what I am trying to say through extreme sarcasm is I stood up really fast and smashed my head on the freezer door above knocking myself unconscious for a couple minutes. When I come to I am confused, then I look up at the open freezer door, and everything comes flooding back. I look around “Good no one saw” I think to myself, then slowly rise; I grab another applesauce and quietly walk back to my room in a daze. Life lesson #1 remember to always close open doors that are above your head, life lesson #2 if your going to have a super power make it something cool, because having the ability to stand quickly is lame.