Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Turn Off Your iPod, Look Both Ways

by Antichrist

Starting today, Albany pedestrians will be fined $100 if caught crossing a city street while listening to an iPod.

I've been deliberating over the correct word to describe this law, and here it is: Bogus. Short and simple, Muggsy Bogus. I agree that having your iPod in puts you at risk in the year 2007. Maybe I'm just a risk taker. I say bring back the Evil Knievel era, so that I don't feel like I'm living on the edge when I smoke crack or don't use a rubber.

I actually feel more safe walking across the street with my iPod than on the sidewalk. People in bikes will sneak up on me (usually high-wheel bikes), and I put both of us at risk when I flail my arms to the drum solo of Moby Dick. Maybe the police should take into account what kind of music you were listening to. They would love this, because it would be another way to discriminate. Listening to Skid Row would probably put you at optimal levels of awareness, whereas Ravi Shankar will place a target for oncoming traffic. If I got hit by a car while listening to Ravi Shankar, I'd be like "It's all good my brother. Go in peace until I see you in the next life."

I also feel that there are more distracting things when you are walking across the street like the mesmorizing walk stick figure. Maybe Albany should ban women from wearing midriff-bearing attire if they plan on crossing the street. Or in a memorable case, any large breasted blonde wearing an A&W root beer t-shirt. Walking into a car, shit I could have walked into an obelisk, which is ironic because I had one in my pants. I had just gotten back from the Victory Obelisk in Moscow, and had bought a souvenir. Actually when I was drunk I did walk into the actual obelisk, but that's a story for a different date, were it not for me just telling the story now.

A terrible idea? Vitally important for pedestrian safety? It is good to see Albany putting people first, much like Portland, Oregon does (second being public transportation, third is cars). $100 for each offense, the government won't know what to do with all of them. Or maybe they will.


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