Friday, August 11, 2006


(Heavily extrapolated from a true story)

DULUTH, MN (August 11) - Lydia Franklin has been playing the Fantasy Five lottery game since she was eight years old. Don’t ask us how she got tickets when she was underage, maybe she worked at the store. Anyhow, she is now a hundred-aire. Lydia brought her winning ticket to store owner Julian Barratoza. His reaction to her reaction was the following, “She looked happy.“

From what we’ve gathered, she is 37 years old. She has spent approximately $4,000 in lottery tickets, but it seems to be paying off. This is her first win in 29 years of lottery play, however if she continues to win as she did today, she will be rich.

When asked to speak about her victory, she failed to comment. We are left to gather that she is mute. Although store owner Ricky Gutierrez says that she has talked to him, we at the Duluth Times are left to gather that she is having a love triangle, and only speaks to those within the one-half base times height area. When asked about the love triangle, Barratoza said that Ricky Gutierrez was inserted because I forgot his name, but remembered that it sounded Hispanic. He informs me that Ricky Gutierrez is a Chicago White Sox player. We here at the Duluth Times are left to gather that Lydia Franklin is a mute gold digger who gets money from a baseball player, and receives doctored lottery tickets from her other lover, store owner Jose Martinez.
- AC


Post a Comment

<< Home