Saturday, August 05, 2006

The Battle of Bunker Hill Report

…written by a kid who found his info online. - AC
The Battle of Bunker Hill was the first battle to employ the use of monkey robots. The revolutionaries had ROBOT monkeys instead of the MONKEY robots that the Brits had, so the revolutionaries lost. But not before they went ape shit and killed 1,000 Brits.

The monkey robots had bright red eyes, until they were ready to attack. Their attack was to shoot missiles out of their eyes and mouth. When the missiles shot out, their eyes would turn black. However after the missiles had been deployed, their eyes would turn white, and they would be momentarily defenseless. This is where the phrase “Don’t shoot until you see the whites of their eyes” was coined.

The hero of the battle was Congo the monkey. He was a real monkey fighting with an army of robots. He saw a lot of renegade robots who would steal things from houses (robotic bananas) and have sex with the prostitutes that would give the monkey robots, sucky sucky. There was one monkey robot ARC-24601 who redeemed himself by giving real bananas back to the houses. But he would hit the people with the bananas, and this went against the first law of monkey robotics, that a monkey robot cannot harm a human, or through inaction, allow a human to come to harm. The British almost lost thanks to Congo, since he used to be French, but now he’s a Republic, so he voted for a higher war budget, and they won.


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