Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Dustin Diamond (Screech) Mugging Transcript

“According to his account, a woman, armed with mace, busted into his hotel room and apparently was only able get away with some PSP games, which Diamond was able to recover. He was able, at one point, to pin the woman with the hotel door, prompting her to cry out rape.”

Prostitute: Hey you’re not Corey Feldman.
Screech: I got your 10 bucks it doesn’t matter who I am.
Prostitute: Well let’s get it over with.
Screech: Just let me finish playing Ape Escape.

45 minutes later
Screech: Argh, fucking Specter took my time machine again.
Prostitute: I expect to be paid extra for sitting here.
Screech: What do you mean sitting here? You drank my liter of vodka.
Prostitute: Whaaat?
Screech: Come ‘ere baby.

1 minute 17 seconds later
Prostitute: *sprays Screech with mace*
Screech: Ah my beady eyes!! Somebody help, she’s taking my games! Take that! *pins her with door*
Prostitute: Rape!!
Hotel Guard: Is there a problem miss?
Prostitute: Screech’s trying to door rape me.
Hotel Guard: Is that right, Mr. Screech?
Screech: She *sniff* took my *sniff* Action Girlz Racing game.
Hotel Guard: Did you?
Prostitute: *kicks ground* yes
Hotel Guard: Were you trying to rape her with the door?
Screech: yes
Hotel Guard: Okay, we’ll settle this. You give him back his female racing game…
Screech: It’s a unisex game.
Hotel Guard: I’m…sure it is. And you stop playing the raping game. Now isn’t that better? Hey weren’t you on celebrity boxing?
Screech: Yea fucker I was.
Hotel Guard: That’s for beating up Horshack.


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