Monday, August 14, 2006

Carl Goes To The Library

Wearing my Miami Hurricanes (Mighty Ducks as Heather refers to it) hat fashioned backwards (my hair is a bit dishevelled), I peruse the shelf of library DVD's. I lean against the back of a lounge chair, mostly because my hat is backwards, and it seems only right to lean and lounge. I spot The Deer Hunter, and decide that I have three hours to spare to see this classic again. I pass over Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, I'm not making that mistake another time, even if Angie Jolie in an eyepatch fits at least two of my fetishes. I pull out Traffic, seeing Benicio and Don Cheadle stare back at me, I'm sold. I also see that it is co-starring Dennis Quaid, not Kevin Bacon, as I thought upon first look. Third movie picked - American Beauty. I have no witty commentary, except that a bare midriff is a good box cover. Unless after watching I find that it's Kevin Spacey's, and a big You're Gay pops out on the screen (a la Pornucopia). So then I move to the two sided CD shelf.

I notice how racist the makeup of the CD shelf is.
On one side: Alanis Morissette, Buddy Holly, Lenny Kravitz, Broadway Soundtracks.
On the other side: Lightning Hopkins, BB King, John Coltrane, Percy Mayfield.
However there is a Bob Dylan CD and a Celine Dion CD on the black side. The librarian must have compensated by putting a couple of the whitest music with the jazz and blues greats.
I get U2 - Achtung Baby, Van Morrison - Astral Weeks, and The Who Sings My Generation (their first album).

Looking for a magazine to read, I see a Rolling Stones I already read, and that People has disappeared like Freedomland. Too soon? Yes most likely. No, that movie was bad. People disappeared like Freedomland. Going down the magazine shelf (all I know to call them are shelves, I don't work at Ikea), the only leaflet that looks desirable to read is Ebony (which has foxy, yet crazy bitch Mariah Carey on the cover). I pass.

After a lengthy search for a book, I decide on Bend Sinister by Nabokov. If this has half as much of the pedophilia as Lolita did (and the title implies that it will), I should be happy. Because I...find it...a good topic to read about, yea that'll do.

Writer's Note: MTV is making a movie based on this blog with the above being the running title. The only downside is I have to tell my kids that I'll be the next Ernest. Yes, they know who Ernest is, my oldest is 23. Yes, I fathered a child before I was born. How? Well you know science these days.


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