Printer Assistance Monologue

Okay sir, calm down. Printer problems can be easily fixed. What you described to me sounds like a paper jam.

I understand that you think there is no paper jammed. I'm going to have to ask you to look again. It has a bone color, and it also goes by papel.

Alright, now try. Still not working? I think there is a paper jam that you're missing.

Nothing? There must be something else to go along with the paper jam that you are overlooking.

I'd like you to rattle the printer like a Christmas present. Good you should hear something.

Now take the ink cartridges and suck the remaining ink out like snake venom. And gently swallow.

Check for paper jam, and sir you are welcome. Thank you for calling the Suicide Hotline.
-AC